Ok, so I know that it’s been a long time since I’ve blog. But if there’s one thing that has been on my mind lately, it’s this — love languages.
I remember reading up on this back in college, but I never really thought about it till now.
So what exactly is a love language? Well, I’m going to share what I’ve understood from what I’ve read. First of all, a love language is the way a person shows his/her love to another person. This love language cuts across any culture and a person may exhibit all of the love languages, but may be stronger in other love languages than in others. That said, there are five love languages that have been identified.
1. Acts of Service
A person with this love language will not hesitate to volunteer to help a friend.
2. Physical Touch
People who have this primary love language are people who are very tactile and love hugging people, embracing them and holding hands.
3. Words of Affirmation
Men and Women with the ability to give positive words of encouragement fall under this love language.
4. Quality Time
Quantity begets quality and this is so true with those who long for quality time. A friend who may have this love language wouldn’t mind spending time with one’s friend the entire day and still long for that person even after parting ways.
5. Gifts
Probably among the easiest to emulate and yet some find it tough, there are people who enjoy receiving gifts and lavishing others with gifts as well.,
Now, as I mentioned earlier a person may exhibit all love languages but will usually be strong in one or two and be weak in other categories. And from what I’ve understood, it seems that the conflict in friendships and even relationships is that when one party expects the other to understand them and they don’t get what they want. This is all so common. Yet often, people do not understand that sometimes one’s love language gets in the way in becoming closer to each other. For example, in a married relationship the wife’s main love language is Acts of Service and yet the husband’s primary love language is Physical Touch.
No matter how many Acts of Service the wife performs for her husband, the husband may end up feeling rejected and lonely in the relationship. It gets more complicated because men tend not to verbalize their needs. Unless the wife becomes more sensitive to the husband’s needs and love language, then the wife may only make things worse for both of them. For it is usually the one’s primary love language that we relate to others and wish for others to relate to us.
I am speaking for myself here too.
For instance, lately I’ve been meeting new friends and acquaintances and no matter how much fun we had outside, I still feel isolated and still feel “unloved”. Then I realize that one of my primary love languages include Words of Affirtmation, Quality Time and Physical Touch. In fact, I can remember a person’s embrace, the scent of their perfume that lingers on my shirt when I embrace a friend and the way my heart soars like an eagle when one’s hug is reciprocated. I can survive a year with just one compliment. In fact, I’ve lived off words of encouragement for many years and still return to those words that echo into the eternity of my soul. And whenever I go out with friends, as much as possible I don’t want to conversation to end and I don’t want them to hurry up.
But I must be realistic in the end that people have their own lives to live and that we aren’t a tv sitcom like Friends or Sex in the City who portray characters who seem to have too much time on their hands for them to think about sex and to think about having it. No, life is more complicated than that and people will always disappoint us in ways that even surprises us.
So what am I trying to rant here? Well, I’m glad that I’ve finally identified my primary love languages. I realize that others might never appreciate the things that I give them. And there will be times when I have to learn how to practice the other love languages. But at the end of the day, I discovered that loving a person is indeed worth it, even though there are times when a person might seem difficult to love. I cannot simply insist that my love language would always communicate to another person positively. For in the end, “to love another person is to see the face of God.” Thanks Jose for the reminder. Indeed, though love is tough at times, if love will give me a chance to see God’s face again then I am willing to love again and again.