So strange that I’ve not blogged for so long. And yet here I am writing another entry about a friend. This time I lost my best friend to the fangs of Death. I consider it my biggest loss in life right now. And so here’s an except from my journal that I wrote about him and a short video about him.
April 7, 2007
Past two in the morning
Just arrived here in Quezon City
I just opened the door of the house and nobody greeted me. Most of the housemates are on vacation, while others do not wish to linger as the smell and sounds of Kuya Orly reverberate in their hearts. I could only imagine what it would be like at the wake, the tears of sadness welling up like a river, as each person who has been touched by his life gives respect and thanksgiving to the Lord God Almighty.
I’ve stopped asking the question – Why?
Right now, I just miss him.
Kuya Orly would often hide inside the toilet in the house whenever he knew I was at the gate and he was still lounging in the living room. He somehow figured out that among my habits was to drop my bag, and proceed to take a pee before I head up to my room to rest. 95% of the time, I would often be shocked by his “Boo!” and I would respond with an “Aaggh!!!” After a few seconds, he would breakout in boisterous laughter at his own antic, then I would join him in his fanatical symphony.
Though I only had a few years to know him well, I thank God because he also chose me to be his best friend at this point of his life. I’ve seen how people come and go into the house, visiting him and asking for his advice. I’ve seen him bring many students to the hospital and visiting friends who are in need of special care. He touched many lives supporting students, pastors and christian missionaries — and these things he hid or was only known to his inner circle.
So deep was our connectedness that we would text or call each other at the exact same time. We both had two phones, so sometimes I called his other line while he would be calling my other phone. There are times that I felt sad and he would just send a message “Why do you feel down?” And there are times when he would call me up and ask me for companionship — “Uwi ka na please.” I’d then tell him to give me some time to take a cab so that I could join him. Such was my love and devotion for this guy because he gave so much of himself to his family, his friends and me. In fact, I even felt his passing away while I was in the mountains of Sagada. As I stood in front of majestic waterfalls, I knew he was out there swimming in the open sea and staring the the skies. Then a moment of deafening silence that was followed by a phonecall three hours after telling him he passed away.
I won’t forget the moments that he felt perplexed and dejected. Many people who know that he is a lawyer think that he is well off financially. And yet there are times when the law firm would have great difficulty in getting clients to pay on time, and he would ask three of his closest friends and borrow money from them. He would do this because he thought of the needs of his staff ahead of his own. And during those times, he would just come home to eat steamed tilapia and brown rice or bread for dinner.
I also remember the time when he was betrayed by a person who was part of his inner circle. It almost brought his name down in his law practice and affected many of his cases. During those times, we would just walk around UP Campus, or around Gateway Mall and he would just stare blankly at the things around him. He would not talk or even say anything to me.
This is the Kuya Orly that I remember. A person who was human in every way. Most people here remember him as a jolly person whose enthusiasm and passion for life just infects you and leaves one breathless and light after meeting him. But more than these memories that I would treasure for a lifetime, I remember three things that he shared about what he wanted to be remembered when he dies.
The first is that Self-Respect is important before you can move on with your life. I’ve seen how even at his late age there are people who would still discourage him to do certain things. Though he often shrugged it off, he would bring himself back to his concept of dignity. He knew for a fact that I was never a popular person to deal with, and even in the IVCF community, I felt bad because I even heard rumors of what others think of me. When I shared these things, he just shrugged it aside and said that it is good because that is all the more reason to be reminded that nobody out there can dictate anything to you. The changes you make in yourself are things that you want to change, because you needed them in your life and walk in the Christian faith.
The second concept that he shared with me about his life is about hospitality.
Kuya Orly has been known to adopt many students over the decades and help them find their way in this world. Such was his ministry. Some of them have been extremely grateful that every year, the house would be flooded by gifts during Christmas and even on his birthday. You may have seen him wear a Prada or Louis Vuitton and may have the best watches available. Yet 95% percent of these things were all gifts by clients and the friends that he has helped out. If Ate Alma wasn’t available to prepare the room, he would do it himself, and make sure that the guest had everything they need for the night. He’d make sure that they not only had a blanket or pillow, but that they also had a fresh towel, a toothbrush and a small bar of soap. Sometimes he would even provide a change of clothes for them.
But of the three, he always reiterated that he does all of these things because he is constantly reminded of the grace of God in his life. One thing that he didn’t like about me was that I was a materialistic person. I’ve learned to deal with that because of him. For though Kuya Orly would check into a five star hotel in Manila to rest and recuperate; he did not hold on to these things. He would often remind me that these are fleeting things and that investing in eternal things matter most.
This is Kuya Orly. He displayed grace under pressure whenever there are clients who got angry at him and it was not his fault. He lived out the principle in the bible about forgiving your brother 70 times 7 times as he was frustrated with several friends with whom he helped in life, and yet still could not move on beyond their own pain and bitterness and affected the dynamics of their relationship.
This is his legacy to me.
In the musical Les Miserable, there’s a line in a song that said “to love another person is to see the face of God.” I’ve seen and tasted glimpses of eternity with him. The bond we’ve formed is close to what Yancey describes about the best of friends — it is like an arranged marriage.
For now, I will still miss the way he smiled. The times that we had breakfast together, and even the times when we would just sit side by side in a park, at home or even in his room just staring at the wall and just appreciating the goodness that God has given him. I didn’t mind going the distance for him, because that’s what he does for me as well. I know I am still not good with household chores, but I make up by buying him a new book or a red t-shirt as that’s his favorite color whenever I get to travel. He never hid his frustration of me either whenever we clashed or fought. But at the end of the day or week, we’d somehow reach forgiving each other knowing that the friendship is much more valuable than that.
It is my prayer that I can live a gracious life, and be able to make people see that Christianity is alive in me and indeed worth believing in. I am just a wanderer who also stumbles and fall. Yet I hold on to the grace of God that gives me strength for each day.
The rain hasn’t stopped in my life right now, as my sadness is shrouded by the cold and wet rain that drenches my soul and crevices of my spirit. But as my friend Alex Vergara shared with me over the Holy Week, “there won’t be any Happy Easters without Good Fridays. Just the same, after the storm, whenever you reach a point “where the rain stops,” there will always be sunny mornings with clear blue skies waiting for you. Happy Easter!
May this remind us what Orly lived up to. Good night and God bless us all.
[Presented at the funeral service of Atty. Orlando B. Medrano at Diliman Bible Church, Teacher's Village, Diliman Quezon City at 9pm. Atty. Medrano is a family law expert and became famous handling the annulment case of Helen Vela, that led him to handle more cases in related to family law and litigation. ]
